Heidi Alldredge
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Comparing yourself to others

10/29/2020

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Comparing yourself and your life to others and their lives is a great way to steal your happiness!
One very common and destructive daily habit is to constantly compare your life to other people and their lives. You compare cars, houses, jobs, clothes, money, relationships, social popularity and everything! Then your self-esteem is so low and you create a lot of negative feelings about yourself and even negative feelings about others.
How to overcome this habit is to replace that destructive habit with two better habits:
  • Compare yourself to yourself. Instead of comparing yourself to other people create the habit of comparing yourself to yourself. See how much you have grown, what you have achieved and what progress you have made towards your goals. This habit has the benefit of creating gratitude, appreciation and kindness towards yourself as you observe how far you have come, the obstacles you have overcome, and the good stuff you have done. You can feel good about yourself without having to think less of other people.
  • Be kind. You can say such negative things to yourself that you would never tolerate being said to anyone, so stop yourself from that internal bully, and just be nice! Also realize, as you are more kind to other people and help them, it helps you to be more kind to yourself. So focus on and appreciate the positive things in yourself and in the people around you. You can start by listing of the things you don't like about yourself and then write the opposite or things you do like about yourself. Then throw away the negative list and read that new positive list every day! 
And remember: stop comparing! No matter what you do you can pretty much always find someone else in the world that has more than you or are better than you at something. But you are needed and valued just the way you are!
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Good or bad?

5/17/2017

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It’s said that there was once a gentleman in the middle east. His only possession that really amounted to anything for him, his wife and son, who lived in a little hovel, was a gorgeous Arabian mare. The mare was absolute perfection.
The neighbors always came by and said how lucky he was to have this one beautiful mare. He said, “I don't know whether it’s good or bad, I just know I have this lovely mare.”
Well, one night she broke out of the corral and when he got up the next morning, he discovered that she was gone. All the neighbors came by and said how terrible, and bad it was that the mare was gone. He said, “I don’t know whether it’s good or bad, all I know is that the mare is gone.”
One morning about a week and a half later, she came back and had seven beautiful stallions with her. They were all smitten with her, so they went in the corral too. Now all the neighbors came by and said what wonderful luck he had. They said, "You have these seven beautiful stallions along with your mare back. This is so good!” He said, "I don't know whether it's good or bad, all I know is I got mare back and seven stallions with her."
The son decided to train these stallions so they could be ridden and they could sell them. One of the stallions threw him and broke his leg. So he was laid up with a broken leg in a splint. The neighbors came by and said, "That's bad, your son has a broken leg." He said, “I don't know whether it's good or bad, I just know my son has a broken leg.”
About this same time the king sent his men through the village and took all able-bodied young men to send them on one of his war ventures. The son couldn't go because he had a broken leg. The neighbor's sons all had to go.
The neighbors came over and said how lucky the man was because his son didn't have to go because he had a broken leg. He said, "I don't know whether it's good or bad, I just know my son has a broken leg and didn't have to go to war.”
This story can go on as long as you want to go. The point is that you don't know what's "good" and you don't know what's "bad"; and the quicker you understand that, the better off you'll be. So just kept reporting "what is."
You can always report "what is"; and you don't know whether it's good or bad. You know it "is". But you don't know what's good and bad because you don't know the outcome down the road--two days, two months, two or twenty years from now!
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May you always find the joy in the journey! And happiness always.
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Habits of happiness

5/5/2017

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Today we struggle with the idea of happiness. We think we have to work towards it, like a goal that someday we will reach it and can finally be able to say we are happy.  I had a favorite phrase that said: "I'll be happy when...." (fill in the blank). I will be happy when my health improves, I'll be happy when I have a child, I'll be happy when I get a job, I'll be happy when I have a new car, etc. (And since then I have learned a new way of speaking and thinking!)

But what if you could be happy right now, in the situation you are in today? I know it's possible.
I can share tips on ways to elevate your present situation. You'll be amazed at what a little shift of thinking can do for you!
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Tip #1 Feel Your Feelings    (Tips are in no particular order, in fact I like to save the best for last!)

One of the greatest barriers to experiencing more love and happiness is the habit of avoiding emotional pain and negative feelings. 
The purpose of feeling your feelings is not to get rid of them, but to let them fulfill their purpose—which is bringing our awareness to the things in our lives that need our attention.


An Exercise To Feel Your Feelings
  1. Close your eyes. Now think of a negative feeling that you resist, avoid. (Pause)
  2. Notice where that feeling is located in your body. (Pause)
  3. Now recall how you feel when lying in a hot bath.  Feel the warmth of your body. (Pause)
  4. Use your memory to recreate that feeling of expansion, relaxation and openness. (Pause)
  5. Bring that sense of warmth and bodily relaxation into the negative feeling you have been resisting. (Pause)
  6. Notice how your body relaxes and expands and the stuck feeling starts to move or dissolve. (Pause) 
Now take a moment or two, deep breath, and open your eyes.

To be unconditionally loving you must also expand your capacity to love yourself the way you are—not the way you think you should be—by practicing feeling your feelings, and having acceptance for yourself no matter what. 
Unconditional self-love means treating yourself the way you would treat a beloved friend.

Just feel.

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    Heidi is a happy wife of 30 years, mother of 3, grandmother of 5, aunt to 20, neighbor to several, and friend to all. 

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